Cocktail: Hot Jackie (my new recipe)
Honey Vanilla Chamomile Tea, Hot Water, A pinch of cardamon and cinnamon, Jack Daniel's Tennessee Honey Bourbon!
As an avid fan of slasher flicks and their crazed, slaughterous villains, I thought that this movie would, at least, be on par with the lesser sequels of the classics. Coming from the warped thinky bits of Tobe Hooper, "Behind the Mask" was hyped to terrify.
My friend David and I decided to synchronize our viewing experience and "review" this film in real time.
One movie. Two time zones. Four cocktails...and whatever David was drinking.
The following are some choice excerpts from our text conversation:
The opening scene...
Low Budget phony newscast delivered by possibly the most busted memaw anchorwoman ever.
The gist of the plot is this grad student gets in contact with the serial killer that inspired the likes of Freddy, Jason, and Michael Myers, to film a documentary about his process...
The lead roll of Leslie Vernon was snagged by some fug douche clone of Dane Cook that was probably grown in a lab somewhere with the sole purpose to defile our sensibilities. The same lab where they made Paris Hilton.
I'm sure that while the casting director scraped the coke dingles from his face and was swept away in a lavender haze of fumes wafting from this shit stain of a script, the clone got hired.
The writers must have gotten their genres confused because, as the film progresses, a burgeoning love story begins to emerge between the doe-eyed memaw grad student and the slap-happy serial murder. My chonies shrivel at this development...gag!
It goes on like this for awhile...
Until the plot takes a turn and shit gets real.
So, basically, my advice to you is Skip it. But if you want to know what it was really like watching it without actually going to Instant Netflix and seeking it out... just go to your fridge. Eat a piece of expired ham and there you have it!
Stay tuned for Monday's movie magics...there's gonna be Meatloaf!
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